"Canadiano with oat milk for Scooter—eh?"
Canadian news organizations report that some Canadian coffee shops have rechristened the coffee drinks that have long been called Americanos as Canadianos.
It's their response to President Trump's continuing threats of tariffs on Canadian goods, and his declaration that Canada ought to become the USA's 51st state.
"We don't need any American products right now," Todd Simpson, who owns the Morning Owl coffeeshops in Ottawa, told CTV News. "It seems like a really good way to say we're Canadian," although the coffee beans they brew are more likely grown in Central America than, say, Alberta.
Canadians are famed for their courtesy and civility. But perhaps Americans have forgotten that Canada's national sport is hockey: where the gloves come off, and there's blood on the ice.
Bhavi Patel reported in Barista Magazine that the Americano coffee drink seems to have begun when American soldiers were stationed in Italy at the end of World War II. American G.I.'s had helped defeat Mussolini's army. But they found traditional Italian espresso a little too intense to chug. Accommodating Italian baristas added hot water.
"The name 'Americano' does carry reported a bit of playful irony," Stacey Lynden, the cupping manager for Canada's Swiss Water company, told Barista, saying the Americano "to Italians might have seemed like a weaker, less refined version of their beloved espresso. So, while it wasn't an outright joke, there was probably a little eye-rolling involved!"
Americans might accept being called "less refined." But "weaker"?
If Canadian baristas hope to score a goal with this gesture, maybe they should concoct a grittier, distinctly Canadian brew. Mix grains of cobalt, mined in Labrador, with potash, quarried in Saskatchewan, and whisks of beaver tail, all of it steeped over sharp, jagged Yukon ice.
And when it's ready, don't just place the cup on a ledge, and call out a customer's name. Tuck that Canadiano into the back of a hockey goal. Have the barista pull on a helmet and snarl: "You wanna get this drink the easy way, or the hard way? Eh?"
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