MICHEL MARTIN, HOST:
Every shooting is traumatic for the people who live through it or see it happen. But school shootings bring a whole other level of fear because most kids have to go to school, and their caregivers have to send them. So we've called someone who's thought a lot about how families can navigate the understandable fear of school shootings, as well as other school-based violence. She's Melissa Brymer. She's a clinical psychologist with the UCLA-Duke National Center for Child Traumatic Stress, where she is the director of terrorism and disaster programs. Ms. Brymer, thank you so much for speaking with us. Thanks for being here.
MELISSA BRYMER: Thanks for having me.
MARTIN: So, of course, millions of families and children may be preparing this morning to start another school day. How can parents prepare their children for a return to school where they may hear about the bad things that happened to children in Minnesota?
BRYMER: First of all, parents are going to be scared right now. Check in with yourselves first before you have a conversation with your child. Take that breath, acknowledge what feelings are coming up. And then have that conversation with your child about, first, what have they heard about the event? And what do they need before they go to school? Many kids learn different coping strategies. Let's use them this morning. Let's take a few breaths. Let's maybe put a note in their bookbag of how much you love them and who the helpers are at school that can just give that little comfort this morning. Whether their teacher, their counselor, their nurse, their administrator, even their bus drivers are all there today to help them to have a successful day at school today.
MARTIN: And when you say check in with yourself, I mean, I'm sure, you know, that resonates because I'm sure that, you know, people, caregivers listening, even teachers listening to this conversation may be thinking, I still feel upset. I'm anxious. What can you do to get yourself together as an adult?
BRYMER: Yeah. Just as we're telling the kids to use their coping strategies, us adults have to use our coping strategies. Are we actually talking with our friends, our loved ones? Are we using some of our breathing techniques? Are we labeling the feelings that are coming up? And some of us may want to step into action and get involved in our schools. Be part of the school safety committees. Be part of the school climate activities so that we can make sure that we're making a difference in our own kids' school lives.
MARTIN: You know, to that end, I'm imagining that some parents or caregivers might be skeptical or even distrustful of the emergency protocols and security measures schools are putting into place. You know, a lot of school systems are instituting these no phone policies where parents might be saying, well, wait a minute. I hear about something like this happening, I want my kid to have their phone. What do you say to families who might be questioning whether the efforts are effective or whether the protocols are effective?
BRYMER: Well, I think, first and foremost, check in with your schools. What are those protocols? How much they review them. And, you know, after these types of events, sometimes we look at, do those protocols need to be adapted? But we do know that these protocols do make a difference, and they do avert many events. And so we don't want to throw out everything. But sometimes we might have to look at, is there things that we're learning from this event that we need to be adapting our protocols?
MARTIN: And one of the things I think I hear you saying is that parents should acknowledge the obvious, that they should not try to pretend that this didn't happen. But how do you - do you have suggestions about how to kind of have this conversation without overwhelming kids with too much information that they may not be ready for?
BRYMER: Yes, so my conversations with younger kids is very different from teenagers. Younger kids, bring it closer to home. They may wonder, did this happen? Could this happen at my school? And this is where we want to let them know that they're currently safe and help them to point out some of those safety measures that are already in place at school. You know why Mom and Dad have to check in at the front office? That's one way that your school is trying to keep you safe. Your teacher is there. The counselor is there. Point out some of those features that all the helpers that are there.
MARTIN: And before we let you go...
BRYMER: Adolescents are going to want to talk about. Sorry.
MARTIN: OK.
BRYMER: Adolescents are going to want to talk about maybe why this stuff is happening and what we need to be doing as a society to change this. We're going to need a lot more details.
MARTIN: Just 30 seconds left, though. And this is obviously a broader conversation. What about kids who may be showing signs of trouble where they may be aggressive or vulnerable to outside influences, as briefly as you can? And of course, we need to talk more about this.
BRYMER: We know that there's a lot of help in schools and in our communities for kids that are struggling right now. If you're worried about your child, talk to your physician. Talk to a mental health provider. Find ways that you can get your child help. The help is there.
MARTIN: That's Melissa Brymer. She's with the UCLA-Duke National Center for Child Traumatic Stress. Ms. Brymer, thank you so much for these insights. Very helpful. Thank you.
BRYMER: Thank you so much. Have a good day. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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