The moment of the adult milkshake has passed, sure, but its existence remains of interest to someone like me, who, purely hypothetically, might pull into The Cosmo one heat-spiking afternoon in a car with no A/C and lumber into the casino, gesturing to his sweat-soaked body in desperate supplication: Please, cool me down. I found salvation at Holsteins. Its “bam-boozled” shakes are a Toys R Us of diabetes and calorically dense regret, but the Coffee & Donuts ($13) has sufficiently adult virtues that you can drink it without feeling like a case of loser age-regression. Made with coffee ice cream, malt, Patron XO Café and chocolate espresso beans, it has more pleasantly layered coffee flavors than any Starbucks monstrossiato. But it’s got its share of giddy vice, too: There is, I acknowledge, a donut crowning the top and, purely hypothetically, I might have eaten it. Andrew Kiraly
In The Cosmopolitan, 702-698-7940, holsteinsburgers.com