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List Mania
By Scott Dickensheets, Andrew Kiraly, Heidi Kyser, Jim Begley, James P. Reza, Lissa Townsend Rodgers, Brian Rouff, Jason Scavone, Greg Thilmont, Kristy Totten, and Mitchell Wilburn
Our listmakers, in order of who actually observed the deadline
1. Kristy Totten
2. Scott Dickensheets
Sponsor Message
3. Jason Scavone
4. Tie: Lissa Townsend Rodgers, Heidi Kyser, Greg Thilmont, Brian Rouff, Jim Begley, James P. Reza, Mitchell Wilburn
11. Andrew Kiraly
My personal Favorite Bike Rides, Dog-Walks, and Hikes in Southern Nevada
Sponsor Message
Leisurely ride with friends: The Bonanza Trail, from Bill Briare Park to Bruce Trent Park
Challenging ride with my cycling group: River Mountains Loop Trail
Dog walk with my senior rescue dog: around the jogging trail at Judge Myron Leavitt Park
Dog walk with my spry Border Collie: The Pittman Wash trail
Hike with girlfriends: Boy Scout Canyon, Boulder City
Hike with husband: North Loop to Mummy Springs, Mount Charleston –HK
In Order of Plausibility, Seven Fictional Vegas Casino Names with the Movies They Appeared in
Lucky Shamrock, Leprechaun 3 (1995)
Red Dragon, Rush Hour 2 (2001)
Shangri-La, The Cooler (2003)
The Bank, Ocean’s Thirteen (2007)
Lotus, Percy Jackson & The Olympians:
The Lightning Thief (2010)
Luxus, Sleepless (2017)
Whyte House, Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
–AK
Better in Concept
Sponsor Message
The Mile High Club
Haggis
The Mile High Haggis Club
Crocs
A dystopian future in which civilization is saved by plucky teens with primitive weaponry
History as a nightmare from which we’re trying to awake
Wide-scale, massively disruptive road construction
Comedy hypnosis
Any burger identified by the words “ultimate,” “bacon,” and “cheese”
Resurgent populism
“So bad it’s good”
A Jeff Koons sculpture of Popeye
A baker’s dozen
Talkative waiters
Microwaving flavored popcorn in a crowded workspace
Website redesigns
“By the director who brought you 300.”
Buying up some city’s downtown in the guise of building a creative community and technology hub
UNLV football
Smart everything
Meeting for drinks at the Blue Martini
Commercials in which pieces of breakfast cereal cannibalistically eat other pieces of the same breakfast cereal
American Horror Story: Spongebob
-SD
Six super-Tasty Eateries
1. Prince Restaurant
2. Mariscos Playa Escondida
3. Flock & Fowl
4. Café Mayakovsky
5. Naked City Pizza (the original inside Moon Doggies Bar & Grill, not the fancy Paradise one)
6. Chengdu Taste
-JB
Four Fabulous Places to Find Old Vegas in Concentrate
* Bootlegger Bistro
* Neon Museum
* El Cortez
* Piero’s Italian Cuisine
-JPR
Restaurants I Wish Would Come Back
1. Carluccio’s
2. Poppa Gar’s
3. Country Inn
4. Manfredi’s Limelight
5. The Brewery
6. Carlos Murphy’s
7. El Sombrero (the old one)
8. The Green Shack
9. Café Michelle
10. Chin’s
-BR
Eight Best Ways to Circumvent Paid Strip Parking
*
Crystals valet
*
Mandalay Place valet
*
Fashion Show (valet circle on Fashion Show is closest to Strip)
*
TI
*
Venetian/Palazzo
*
Any Caesars self-parking property with a local ID (Hint: Caesars Palace and Harrah’s are best.)
*
Casino Royale
*
Lyft
-JB
6 Vegas Sequels to Popular Franchises
•Hunger Games: The Omnia Prophecy
•Harry Potter and The Romanian Kidney Thief
•Waiting for Godot II: East Lake Mead CAT bus route 210
•Star Wars: Mediocre Buffet of Unconvincing CGI Battles
•Jason Bourne: The Dottie’s Protocol
•Iron Man: There’s a Big Fight Scene in the Raiders Stadium
-AK
Hindsight Is 20/20
X I shouldn’t have eaten sushi in Pahrump!
X That was a school zone!
X That cat did have foam on its mouth!
X My check-engine light was on!
X That lady didn’t want to see my tattoo!
X I am lactose-intolerant!
X Hobos don’t enjoy “bindlestiff” jokes!
X The words “Owen” and “Wilson” aren’t a guarantee of comic depth and richness!
X The DMV isn’t a good place for an impromptu slam poetry recital!
X When called up from the audience, I shouldn’t try to subvert David Copperfield’s magic trick! –SD
10 Towns and Sites in Rural Nevada that Make Good Band Names
1. Carvers
2. Carp
3. Jiggs
4. Schurz
5. Stillwater
6. Lovelock
7. Angle City
8. Cherry Creek
9. Big Smoky Rest Area
10. Oasis
–AK
4 Things that Make Me Want to Stand on an Overpass with a Flamethrower and Burn the Freeways Clean of their Impurities
4. The line of traffic creeping in the right lane while you’re trying to merge and three left lanes are so wide open there may have been a Leftovers situation just for one specific section of traffic.
3. Middle lane? No traffic for miles? 26 mph sounds about right.
2. Roughly 49 miles of gridlock for one poor sap dumping half an Arrowhead bottle into an overheated Fiero on the side of the 95.
1. The 215 east/15 north interchange, for which the only explanation is that it specifically captures supernatural energy born of rage and frustration for whatever third-tier municipal demon designed it.
–JS
Questions Food Critics Are Absolutely Sick of Hearing
What’s your FAVORITE place EVER in the whole WORLD? (It’s like choosing a favorite child, I couldn’t! Also, it’s Le Cirque)
Where can I get really great all you can eat sushi?
Do they, like, KNOW you when you come in? Do you wear a disguise?
Tell me where I should eat, something modernist-fusion French and/or Japanese, haute cuisine, you know, and within 10 minutes of my house, that’s also really cheap, maybe $15-$20 a person? Oh, and a good craft cocktail list, too. (Yonaka Modern Japanese.)
–MW
7 Delectable Sandwiches
1. The “Est” at Rosalie: brie cheese, tomato, greens on garlic-olive oil toasted French bread
2. Roast Pork with sautéed broccoli rabe and sharp provolone at Plantone’s Italian Market
3. The KJ Prime Rib Dip at Kitchen at Atomic Lounge
4. Veggie Burger at Panacea
5. Peking duck bao at Fat Choy
6. The Goodwich’s Cold Brown — roast turkey, bacon, tomato, Gruyère fondue
1. Joe’s Stone Crab: Pretzely, cheesey, lavoshy goodness. Plus a rock of dense, aromatic sourdough. (The crab’s good, too.)
2. STK: A golden hot round drizzled in blue cheese oil, plus more for dunking. Simple yet decadent.
3. T-Bones: Because suburbanites need bread, too. Add a happy hour snack and cocktail to this selection and skip the steak.
4. Cornish Pasty: Simple temptation: a warm slice of dense, freshly-baked white bread with butter. How British!
5. Carbone: Incredible olive rolls, sesame loaves, rich tomato bread, a dry martini, and thou. -JPR
The Perfect Yoga Pose for Every Situation
Your boss is annoying you: Lion Pose
Standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon: Mountain Pose (very still)
Après morning run: Crescent Lunge
Putting off chores: Sun Salutations (at least five; 10 if the bathroom is really dirty)
Writer’s block: Downward-facing Dog-to-handstand
Waiting in line at the DMV: Tree Pose (with conspicuous “Om”s)
At the water cooler: Warrior 3
Mid-argument with spouse: Savasana
–HK
5 Places Where Vegas History Still Lives
1.The Golden Steer. Where the velvet wallpaper still muffles conversation, the red-jacketed waiters still make Caesar salads according to Frank’s recipe and no one, but no one, mentions carbs.
2.Little Church of the West. It’s been moved three times over the past 70 years, but it’s still a quaint, wood-paneled spot for the happiest day of your life. Or, if you’re Zsa Zsa Gabor, one of the nine happiest days of your life.
3.The Special Collections at UNLV’s Lied Library. Flip though old copies of Fabulous Las Vegas magazine, admire photos from the first World Series of Poker or dig oral histories of the Moulin Rouge and the Desert Inn
4.Paradise Palms. Vegas’ most celebrated historic neighborhood still retains its mid-century mojo.
5.Second floor of The D. Vintage slot machines? An old Sigma Derby horse-racing game? Let’s gamble like it’s 1979!
- LTR
Unwritten Rules
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-SD
5 Questionable Vegas Staycation Packages
Fluff-n-Fold Mental Health Day
Cubicle Khan Royal Ergonomic Getaway
PT’s Broom Closet Crashpad Weekend
Timeshare Warrior Reset
Anything occuring in an “extended stay suite”
–AK
Artsy Local Instagram Accounts to Brighten Your Visual Day
Photographer Mikayla Whitmore Artistic work and photojournalism (@mikaylawhitmore)
Arts blog Settlers + Nomads Curated samples of work by Vegas-connected contemporary artists (@settleersandnomads)
Conceptual artist Jim White Lo-fi, avant-minimalist art pieces (@jamesearlwhiteart)
Latino artist Justin Favela documenting the artist’s work and life (@favyfav)
Photographer Nick Leonard capturing vintage signage (@nickleonardphoto)
Artist Glynn Galloway Weirdly charming assemblage pieces (@glynnwithawhy) -SD
Plays on “Elvis” that Can Be Names of Pets or Bands
Hellvis
Velvis
Swellvis
Shellvis
Smellvis
Jellvis
Purellvis
Elvis H. Christ
-AK
Things I and My Friends Have Seen Nicolas Cage Ordering
A drink at Frankie’s Tiki Room
A cat at PetSmart
A tank at Pisces Reef Fish Emporium
A juice at Las Vegas Athletic Club
Another drink at Frankie’s
-KT
~15~ National Parks Within a Day’s Drive of Vegas
Death Valley
Grand Canyon
Petrified Forest
Zion
Joshua Tree
Bryce Canyon
Capitol Reef
Yosemite
King’s Canyon
Sequoia
Channel Islands
Arches
Canyonlands
Saguaro
and Nevada’s own Great Basin
-GT
Collective Nouns, Updated
A slither of big pharma lobbyists /// A hauteur of political advertising consultants /// A bumble of school district money managers /// An exasperation of cabbies /// A flimflam of dubious-recall proponents /// An unction of web gurus /// A hokum of stadium parking planners-SD
5 Fully Loaded Hot Dogs
1. Cheffini’s El Mexicano: A bacon-wrapped frank heaped with avocado, onions, tomatoes, green sauce, chipotle guava, garlic aioli and cherry pepper relish. (You may have to dig for the dog.)
2. Dog Haus’ Pig Lebowski: A big ol’ kielbasa, piled with fries and slaw, finished with a drizzle of BBQ sauce.
3. Buldogi’s Buckeye Dog: Your hot dog is topped with crispy bacon, caramelized onions and cheddar cheese with a swoosh of garlic aoili.
4. Papaya King’s Upper East: Hot dog embellished with Pastrami, Sauerkraut and pickle chips.
5. Sonic’s Chicago Dog: Sometimes you just want a classic from a drive-thru. Basic dog topped with pickles, relish, tomato, peppers, celery salt and mustard. -LTR
8 Picturesque Destinations in the Mojave National Preserve
1. Joshua tree forest on Teutonia Peak
2. Desert Studies Center at Zzyzx
3. Hole-in-the-Wall
4. Kelso Depot Visitor Center
5. Kelso Dunes
6. Cinder Cone Lava Beds
7. Providence Mountains
8. Granite Mountains
-HK
Famous People I and My Friends Have Seen Where You’d Least Expect Them
Forrest Griffin at Sweet Tomatoes
Elijah Wood at Champagne’s
Randy Couture at Home Depot
Busta Rhymes at The Orleans
Diane Keaton at Starbucks
The Smash Mouth guy at Casa Di Amore
-KT
Typefaces We Didn’t Use in the Desert Companion Redesign
Tragicomic Sans
Bodoni Infected
Helvetica Prolapse
Human Centipede Italic
Oompah Gothic
Prehensile Gouda
Courier Vapid
–SD
Five Things No Vegetarian Wants to Hear
“Where do you get your protein?”
“They have salad.”
“You eat eggs?”
“Don’t you miss hamburgers?”
“I’d give up meat if I didn’t work out so much.”
–HK
Rejected Casino Air Fragrances
Hot dogs and basil
Sahara & Maryland
What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas
Tropical Bries
-KT
Hello, I’m on Facebook and I’m too lazy or uncreative to think of my own list. Go!
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AK
Obligatory List About the R-J/Sheldon Adelson
Something something “Who run Bartertown?” joke
Blah blah line about how in wake of resignations and layoffs of senior staff, average age of reporter is now 14
Something something next investigative series on the shadowy cabalistic nexus between online gaming, recreational marijuana, the LVCVA, public schools and anything else that makes a febrile plutocrat choke on his Ensure
Blah blah something about scenario in which one day op-ed page is accidentally replaced with Mini Page and nobody notices the difference
something blah blah behind the scenes moment where victor joecks writes column by pasting chunks of stormfront comments section into word doc
something vending machines sell soda candy bars copies of atlas shrugged etc
etc etc
–AK
The 9 Most Evil Las Vegans in Film
Jerry Dandridge (Fright Night)
(tie) Bambi and Thumper (Diamonds are Forever)
Moe Green (The Godfather)
Janos Skorzeny (The Night Stalker)
Art Land (Mars Attacks)
Drugs (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)
Nicky Santoro (Casino)
Andrew Carver (Showgirls)
Trishelle Cannatella (Real World Las Vegas)
-JS
Ha Ha, I see what you did there
“Heaven or Las Vegas,” Cocteau Twins
Jesus in Vegas,” Chumbawumba
“Snow in Vegas,” David Gray
“Las Vegas with the Lights Out,” Geggy Tah
“Your Love Is Like Las Vegas,” The Thrills
“Don’t Make Me Come to Vegas,” Tori Amos
–AK
5 Places to Swing Your Arms
Throw hatchets at wooden targets at Axe Monkeys
Toss balls at the bocce courts behind the Italian American Club
Play cornhole at the Henderson Booze District
Score a turkey on the bowling lanes at The Nerd
Rock a hole in one at KISS by Monster Mini Golf
-GT
Things I’ve Thought, but Not Said, to People Whose Paths Crossed Mine on Backpacking Trips Post-Day Three
“I’ll trade you two chocolate bars for your shoe gaiters.”
“Do you have any Gold Bond cream?”
“Oh, you did 21 miles today? Well, whooptee-friggin’-do for you!”
“A medicated baby wipe, maybe?”
“I’ll trade you three chocolate bars for your parasol hat.”
“Could you look at this and make sure it’s just heat rash?”
“OH MY GOD, IT’S NICHOLAS KRISTOF I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN OH MY GOD.” (Actually, I did say that out loud.)
“Does anybody else smell a wet horse in a dumpster? It’s me, isn’t it.”
“I’ll trade you all the rest of my chocolate bars for five minutes on your gps.”
–HK
5 New Strip Pool Parties
Slosh ’n’ Itch
~SPRAYY~
Bobberz
Murk Sundays
Catfish
-AK
Other Suggested Party Dress
Mocktail attire
Business sexual
Pantsional
Pleaty
–AK
Tinder Message or Vegas Vanity Plate?
SUPGIRL
LOLZ
PIC PLS
5IN4RL
K BYE
-AK
Other politicians not named Michele Fiore who fill me with a mix of fascination and contempt:
-AK
Special Ungated Streets of Las Vegas
1. Pinto Lane: From Howard Hughes to Irwin Molasky, from Andre Agassi to Brandon Flowers, Pinto Lane is the city’s briefest stretch of old money.
2. Ashby Avenue: A Rural Estates-zoned street of huge homes luxuriating on up to 1.75 acres, just 5 minutes from Downtown.
3. Tomiyasu Lane: Mansions on massive ranch-sized lots near Sunset Park. Past and present residents include Wayne Newton, the Primm family, and Phil Ruffin.
As a longtime journalist in Southern Nevada, native Las Vegan Andrew Kiraly has served as a reporter covering topics as diverse as health, sports, politics, the gaming industry and conservation. He joined Desert Companion in 2010, where he has helped steward the magazine to become a vibrant monthly publication that has won numerous honors for its journalism, photography and design, including several Maggie Awards.
Desert Companion welcomed Heidi Kyser as staff writer in January 2014. In 2024, Heidi was promoted to managing editor, charged with overseeing the Desert Companion and State of Nevada newsrooms.
