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List: Questionable nicknames for spouses and significant others

1. My homunculus

2. Dumplingface

3. Li'l NSA Craigslist hookup

4. Smooshie

5. Affection recipient #3497EX9

6. WHOAREYOU? WHYAREYOUINMYBED?!

7. Chunklet

8. Craig I mean Brad yes Brad sorry I mean Paul

9. O Timeless Kørrgg, Eater of Worlds

10. Roomie

(This is satire. To truly impress your beloved - with a date-night outfit that screams classic style - see page 18.)