Fearless predictions for the next 10 years
2018
President Trump pardons designers of Nevada Supreme Court building.
Burning Man’s much-anticipated IPO lists 746.59 million equity shares priced at $32 a share.
2019
Netflix greenlights Going Viral, an ensemble dramedy about a diverse group of bacterium, amoeba, and body fluids trying to make it in a Vegas daypool.
2020
The last person on Earth to care about, know, or even recognize Wayne Allyn Root dies, rendering Root’s existence cosmically superfluous and absurd. Root ineluctably phases out of corporeal form, his last act a silent scream of unutterable pain and terror.
Source of persistent urine smell Downtown traced to giant urine aquifer.
2021
Lake Mead level drops to new historic low, revealing a vast, gritty substrate of unstirred Tang.
2022
Having achieved sentience in 2017, the Mayweather-McGregor hype now reduced to posing with Fremont Street tourists for $1.
The Killers release their 37th album, titled Indistinguishable From All Our Other Albums.
2023
Rogue AI algorithm infects state government servers, making devastating investments in Nevada K-12 education, social services, and healthcare.
2024
Jim Rhodes changes his mind about building homes at Red Rock when vengeful ancient spirits of the earth visit him in a dream and tell him that asking $419 a square foot for luxury homes isn’t tenable in the current real estate market, you jerk, also stop f---ing with our land.
2025
No longer mayor, Carolyn Goodman still raging about 2017 city logo.
2027
After years of high-level discussion and divisive internal debate, the Review-Journal moves cautiously into journalism.
Due to gaming industry consolidation, the Las Vegas Strip now comprises one monolithic casinoplex called Siegel Suites.
In 20th anniversary issue, Desert Companion makes more hilarious jokes about the R-J, Lake Mead, the gaming industry, and, of course, Sheldon Adelson.
2233
Cackling over charred, windswept desert wastes, Sheldon Adelson’s cryogenically preserved head in a bell jar celebrates 300th year of stubborn, malignant sentience.