Dear Las Vegas,
It’s been 10 years (officially, as of Feb. 1), since I moved here. When will I fit in? I’ve learned the difference between Lake Mead Boulevard and Lake Mead Parkway. I’ve been here long enough to own an underwater house and remember when First Friday was still cool. But, somehow, I still stick out.
Please help,
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Heidi
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Dear Heidi,
Given the high turnover, you’re not the first to suffer from Las Vegas Outsider Syndrome. To help those in your situation, I’ve developed the following checklist. According to local custom, you have another 10 years — the time by which one becomes an honorary native — to complete each item.
Good luck!
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Las Vegas
Learn the stealth way in and out of every parking garage on the Strip.
Adopt a story about “opening” one of the landmark hotels, to tell when it gets imploded. (Remember, simply having been inside the hotel, in some professional capacity, within a week of its opening date qualifies.)
Cultivate strong opinions about policy, but refuse to openly embrace any political party.
Remember: Rebels basketball, good; Rebels football, bad.
Dress like an Angeleno ... from a year ago.
Correct a know-it-all visitor or East Coast columnist on this point: Bugsy Siegel didn’t “make” Las Vegas or The Strip; Meyer Lansky did.
Feign reverence for the Double Down Saloon as the greatest dive bar on Earth.
Complain about the need for better public transportation, but drive your car to the convenience store on the corner.
Recall a subdivision as a place where you used to ride your bike when — of course — “there was nothing out there but desert.”
