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MID-EAST MADNESS

FOR A MOMENT I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES, BUT THERE IT WAS IN BLACK AND WHITE FOR THE WORLD TO SCOFF AT--YES SOMEONE HAD THE AUDACITY TO WRITE A LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF THE LAS VEGAS WEEKLY (one of the magazines I write for) AND QUESTION...INDEED...CHALLENGE MY PREEMINENT AUTHORITY AS LAS VEGAS’ FOOD AND RESTAURANT CRITIC. TO SAY I WAS SHOCKED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. SPEECHLESS, NONPLUSSED, AND APPALLED WOULD BE MORE LIKE IT. HECK, FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO ONE OF MY EX-WIVES. BUT HEY, A COUPLE OF MANHATTANS AND I WAS QUICKLY BACK TO MY OLD ARROGANT SELF.

THEN I GOT TO THINKING, LET’S END THE CATTERWALLING, POINTLESS DEBATES AND WASTED NEWSPAPER SPACE, ONCE AND FOR ALL. JUST COME OUT AND PROCLAIM YOURSELF AS THE WORLD’S GREATEST RESTAURANT CRITIC. YEAH THAT’S IT--GIVE YOURSELF UNQUESTIONED AUTHORITY AND SAVE YOUR EDITORS AND PUBLIC A LOT OF HEADACHES IN THE PROCESS.

SILLY YOU SAY? WELL I GOT THE IDEA FROM COMEDIAN RICHARD JENI, WHO SAYS THAT VEGAS LEADS THE WORLD IN PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE THE WORLD’S BEST THIS OR CHAMPION THAT, AND EVEN IF IT'S UNTRUE, IT WORKS! JUST ASK JENI, THE WORLD’S GREATEST COMIC.

GAMBLING AND GULLIBILITY MUST GO HAND IN HAND BECAUSE IF THE CIRCUS CIRCUS BUFFET--WHICH SERVES THE WORST FOOD ON THE PLANET NOT FOUND IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY--CAN BOAST OF GETTING A TWO FORKS UP AWARD FROM SOME BOUGHT AND PAID FOR FLACK-PUBLICATION, AND GET AWAY WITH IT, THEN HEY, I’M INFALLIBLE---AT LEAST AS CONCERNS MIDDLE-EASTERN FOOD, WHICH WAS WHAT THAT PESKY LITTLE LETTER WAS ALL ABOUT.

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SO YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS, HABIB’S AND THE HOUSE OF KABOB ARE THE BEST MIDDLE EASTERN RESTAURANTS IN TOWN, MORE ON THEM NEXT WEEK. AND OH, BY THE WAY, THE MEDITERRANEAN CAFE IS STILL AN INSULT TO ALL COOKS FROM BARCELONA TO BABYLON.

THIS IS ZEUS COMING TO YOU FROM MOUNT OLYMPUS.

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