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Desert Companion

Zeit: Satire: Monumental fun

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Basin & Range
Brent Holmes

After Basin & Range, a few more Nevada landmarks the president should preserve

Sheldon and Steve’s Field of Despair

Amid the sway of high-desert grasses  and the gentle cawing of crows (suitable for eating), this quiet haven allows lovers of nature and the Citizens United decision to contemplate the vast futility of spending millions to defeat a popular incumbent president.


Visitor activities: Camping, picnicking, opposing socialism.

 

Hipsteria

This small but environmentally sensitive stretch of East Fremont Street is a fragile ecosystem where fauxhawked twentysomethings feed, socialize and search for mates. Also contains the state’s highest density of skinny jeans. Wildlife biologists consider this site to be a prime location to observe the hunting behavior of the hipsters’ largest predator, the overzealous cop with nothing better to do on a Saturday night.


Visitor activities: Observe free-range bearding, trilby fluttering and flowering of ironic band tees.

 

Basin & Derange

Have a Second Amendment field day just outside of Mesquite, where a militia of redneck artisans is crafting a giant, Rushmore-like image of Cliven Bundy from the dung of illegally grazed cattle. A true monument to liberty!

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Visitor activities: Buy live ammo at Standoff Flats; eat BLM Burgers at the Welfare Cowboy Cafe.

 

The Crusty Slough of Frozen Tears

Years after her scandalous fall in the wake of her conviction in the infamous G-Sting corruption probe, former County Commissioner Erin Kenny now wanders this purgatorial desert outland on the edges of Las Vegas in a continuous rite of obsessive penance. The tragic power of her grief and despair has turned the area into a glimmering crystalline wonderland of hardened tears, and some other dried substance, too.
 

Visitor activities: Earn merit badge in bribery; view “exchanging favors” diorama.

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