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Desert Companion

Table for Two: Shouty Edition: To Hell('s Kitchen) and Back

In keeping with Gordon Ramsay’s cantankerous TV personality, this review of his new Hell’s Kitchen restaurant is presented in SHOUT-O-VISION.

Andrew: HOLY F---! IF HELL IS AS BRIGHT, AIRY, AND OPEN AS THIS RESTAURANT DESIGN, SIGN ME UP FOR ETERNAL PERDITION! HOW DO YOU LIKE OUR GODDAMN LOBSTER RISOTTO APPETIZER!

Scott: It’s surprisingly restrained for — I MEAN, DAMN IT, IMAGINE MY SHOCK WHEN THE LOBSTER DIDN’T CLAW MY FACE OFF IN A RAMSAY-LIKE FRENZY OF INSISTENCE, BUT RATHER OFFERED A SUBTLE AND BALANCED FLAVOR EXPERIENCE!

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Hell's Kitchen Burger

Hell's Kitchen Burger

Andrew: THIS HELL’S KITCHEN BURGER  IS SURPRISINGLY SATISFYING AND COMPLEX! F--- ME! I WAS SCARED WHEN I READ “GHOST PEPPER JACK CHEESE” AS AN INGREDIENT!

Scott: F---ING AMAZINGLY, THIS BURGER ONLY RATES 1.5 FIERIS ON THE “BOMBASTIC FLAVOR INDEX”! THE SCOVILLE UNITS FLARED MEMORABLY — WHO DOESN’T LOVE SOME HOT F---ING MOUTHFEEL! — BUT DIDN’T OVER-SCORCH THE APPROXIMATELY 150 OTHER INGREDIENTS! DAMN YUMMY! WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON THE EGGS IN PURGATORY, YOU RISOTTO-HOGGING BASTARD?!

Andrew: DAMN YOU! IT’S RICH, SMOKY AND FLAVORFUL — BASICALLY A SOLID RENDITION OF SHAKSHOUKA! WONDERFUL ON THIS CRISPY SOURDOUGH! WHOA! WHAT THE F---- IS THIS S---?

 

Support comes from

 

Scott: IT’S A SMALL GLASS BOX FULL OF FRIGGIN’ SMOKE! INSIDE IS A RYE WHISKEY COCKTAIL KNOWN AS  SMOKE ON THE BLVD.  — THE SMOKE INFUSION ADDS A GODDAMN ELEGANT TOP NOTE TO THE SMOOTH BITE OF THE RYE!

Andrew: HOLY S--- THIS PINEAPPLE CARPACCIO IS F---ING BRILLIANT — DELICATE BUT RICH. GET IT OUT OF MY GODDAMN FACE BEFORE I EAT THE ENTIRE F---ING THING MYSELF!

Scott: IT’S A BRIGHT FINISH TO A MEAL THAT, CONTRARY TO OUR MOTHER-FREAKING EXPECTATIONS, DIDN’T TASTE LIKE AN ANGRY THROBBING FOREHEAD VEIN! Definitely worth a shout-out.

 

Caesars Palace, 702-731-737

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