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18 signs you’re in an alternate universe Las Vegas

 

  • The Strip is at Lamb and Nellis
  • School system is only fourth worst in nation
  • Frenchman’s Mountain made of actual Frenchmen
  • Parking pays you
  • Brandon Flowers occurs as both wave and particle
  • Downtown imposes martial law on beard lengths
  • Las Vegas Monorail routinely makes Kessel run in 11.9 parsecs
  • Famous welcome sign reads, “Ahoy, sexy!”
  • An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of Dave Courvosier
  • Mayor replaced by GIF of ribbon-cuttings
  • “Adelson whisperer” now state’s fastest-growing job category
  • The Mobb Deep Museum
  • “Giunchigliani” pronounced “Smith”
  • Legislature replaced by “political residencies”
  • Robin Leach is least-popular candle scent
  • Orange cones fix roads
  • Harry Reid is the wiliest, most powerful bellhop on the Strip
  • Common Millennial catchphrase is, “Whatever, Trevor Sweatherweather!”

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