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Tiny manifesto: Don't believe in Leap Day!

Science will tell you that every four years, we add a day to the calendar to keep everything neat and tidy in order to prevent, say, the vernal equinox from drifting into the middle of December. It would mess with your Christmas shopping. But in this, as in all things, science is a damn liar. February 29 is a made-up day that doesn’t actually exist, and don’t let any poindexter in a labcoat tell you otherwise. Are there any holidays on February 29? Do you know anyone who’s birthday is February 29? Look at your calendar from last year. Is there a February 29 on it? How about your 2017 day planner? We rest our case.

So, if you’re going to celebrate this fictional day, we suggest you do it by honoring the best of fictional Las Vegas. Don’t worry about the consequences. Legally, Metro can’t touch you for anything that doesn’t technically happen in the space-time continuum. To wit:

Manufacture a bunch of chips to the Tangiers Casino, then spend them at the Strip venue of your choice. The only pit bosses who refuse to honor those chips probably work for Ace Rothstein’s competition.

Put on a seersucker suit, hunt vampires. If Darren McGavin could find the supernatural here, you can too. You know who complains when you tear down curtains to force people into the sunlight? Vampires. Also, third-shift workers. But mostly vampires.

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Stage a Martian invasion. Pros: You can use it as cover to get into casino development with Jack Nicholson. Cons: Jim Brown will be coming after you, and he’s armed with Slim Whitman records.

Land a plane full of convicts on the Strip. Ignore the fact that the airport is, like, right there. Wide-open runway designed for airplanes mere yards away, but go ahead. Put that baby down in the middle of the street. Don’t worry about the massive, utterly unnecessary property damage, Leap Day doesn’t really exist anyway.

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