After Bourne brutally subdues nine guys with rapid punches and kicks, a table is suddenly free at Guy Savoy.
NSA satellite spots man in long line to buy chair at IKEA: “MY GOD, IT’S JASON BOURNE!” And Bourne's all, Can't an amnesiac killing machine buy a !#%& chair?!
On East Fremont, Bourne delivers vicious throat chop to creeping gentrification.
Male stripper fights off flying shark with crotch ... wait, that's an actual scene from Sharknado 4, also set in Las Vegas.
Disgusted by prospect of tax-subsidized stadium, Bourne snaps a few necks and goes off the grid.
After rampage, Bourne enjoys DEALicious meal he saw in the copy of Desert Companion he used to kill CIA assassin.
(Jason Bourne opens July 29)