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I’ve been trying to make some sense, or a commentary, out of all the bad hash coming out of Washington these days so I turned to a couple of guys who were just a little bit smarter than me to figure it out. It turns out that those addle-brained and artery-hardened politicians conducting this wild floozy—er, excuse me—wild goose chase, are simply the victims of too much free beef and booze. Just as William Shakespeare and Thomas Jefferson. Shakespeare admitted he was a great consumer of beef and believed it did great harm to his wit. His cure was cavorting with Gwenyth Paltrow. Jefferson believed it was the British beef habit that made its politicians so stupid. History seems to bear them both out—the British parliament never found a cure for its stupidity, and while Margaret Thatcher may’ve been a bright lady, she’s a paltry Paltrow in my book, and all those lords and ladies have had nothing but a two hundred year hangover since the American Revolution. Which is exactly what I get every time I hear the current winds breaking from Washington these days. If Shakespeare and Jefferson were around, I’d bet that they would blame Congresses never-ending cholesterol-fest for the salacious unsavory stew that’s been cooking there for the past year.
Two more ingredients confirm Will and Tom’s recipe for political disaster, the fact that we are now the biggest beef-eating country on the planet and my personal knowledge that more free beef and booze gets consumed on Capitol Hill than any place I have ever seen. . .none of it paid for by the elected fat-heads by the way. . .and all of it working to detach them from reality.
If too much beef could bring down an empire, then it’s a piece of cake that an appetite for scandal just might undo the Republicans, whom we already know enjoy free pork more than any.
Well, that’s today’s political science lesson boys and girls, next week, back to restaurants.
This is John Curtas.