APPETIZERS
Habanero Ground Zero
Jalapeño poppers as an appetizer? MORE LIKE WIMPETIZER. Kick off your meal right with these flaming hunks of habanero deep-fried in liquid gunpowder by a bitter, volatile ex-con with Tourette’s.
Lord of the Fries
Fuel your own descent into savagery with these dystopilicious potato wedges! Garnished with Wisconsin cheddar and lost innocence, these golden, crispy™ beauties will have you at the throats of your rival tribe in no time! And they go great with our house long pig!
Squid Pro Quo!
You'll be a sucker for our finest chipotle-moussed calamari tips, primped in Zima and deep-fried in the tears of a certain Times food critic. Call the doctor now, 'cause this much deliciousness will give you a four-hour erection!
Xtreme Buffalo Wing-a-dillas
What makes these gooey slabs of blended chicken-cheese substrate so Xtreme? The side order of involuntary neck tattoo you get while eating them.
Trans-Fat Shrapnel Bites
Fired point-blank into your mouth from our Flavor Cannon™.
ENTREES
Bacon-Wrapped, Triple-Stuffed Chupachicken
We wrap our whole-breast demon chicken in applewood-smoked bacon sourced from the bad pigs in Animal Farm , triple-stuff it with our trademarked Whatever's Within Reach, marinade it in The Best of ZZ Top and serve it with house arugula and three exclamation points!!!
Shepherd's Pie
Choose a fresh shepherd from our live tank! His hair will be spiked and frosted as he's wrapped in a doughy crust and served with a side of our yummy™ house haggis.
Trauma: The Burger
This 1,000 percent Kobe beef patty is injected directly into your aortic valve via a Twizzler stent.
Eat to Live
In our totally off-the-chain take on the custom pizza bar, we enclose your entire body in an airtight, made-to-order calzone. Can you survive all this suffocating, claustro-tastic flavor and eat your way to freedom?
Broccoli Salad
First, we take a fresh head of organic broccoli, laugh at it and drop-kick it into the alley. Then we fill a motorcycle boot with sausage, steak, bacon and French fries, and slather it in cheese, refried beans and whipped butter. The perfect light lunch.
Casserolo
Our signature casserole made of Rolos.
BEVERAGES
Now Hear This!
This alcohol-free favorite is five minutes of a server shouting “Welcome to Flavortown!” and “Love, peace and taco grease!” in your face.
Cocktail Loaf
Like Jell-O shots? You’ll love this seven-pound slab of day-glow gelatin that holds a gallon of our premium blend of Tequiza and Oreo filling. (Also available in kid’s portions.)
Diabetes Supernova
Our popular pitcher of melted Starbursts.
Gravy